I remember how it was, tumbling through the looking glass, finding myself at a tea party with The Hatter and White Rabbit, drinking tea and speaking nonsense and feeling rather bewildered. The Hatter was chaotic and charming and exasperating! Or was that me, Alice? Where was I off to again? I’m so very late.
Feeling and living bipolar sometimes makes just about as much sense as this scene. Being a provisional psychologist and a mental health worker, I remember the creeping suspicion that I had bipolar. Or more correctly, Bipolar II Disorder. The tip off was the wonderful sense of wellbeing, happiness and elation I sometimes felt whilst talking excitedly and without breath, jumping from topic to topic. I would feel euphoric and it was absolute bliss. Everything felt right, as if nothing could go wrong and everything was just so. I didn’t think too much on it though.
But then the feelings of grandiosity and of being invincible took hold and I burnt myself out within a few months. I dated passionately. I took on five jobs simultaneously. I was writing a thesis for my Honours degree. A few friends started commenting on my behaviour but it was water off a duck’s back. I took on more and more and pushed myself until one particular incident stopped me in my tracks. I was in trouble. I’d gotten lost in Wonderland and I couldn’t find my way back up the rabbit hole.
The sensible and logical part of me stepped forward and dragged me to my GP. An assessment and a psychiatric appointment later and I was wearing my brand new label – Bipolar II Disorder.
… So this blog will hold my stories and what I know about bipolar. As someone standing on both sides of the looking glass, looking out and looking in. As someone experiencing bipolar, as a scientist, as a provisional psychologist, as a mental health worker and as a woman.
These are my stories of a mad scientist fallen down the rabbit hole.